Who Cares

by Gary Floater

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about

After ‘A Hero Never Learns’ and ‘Floater Rising,’ tens of fans worldwide are demanded a third installment of the songs of legendary country songwriter Gary Floater.

Gary was recently recognized with the “Worst Country Songwriter Lifetime Achievement Award” but he keeps writing and sending out his songs in the mail because his ankle monitoring device won’t let him leave the house.

But a miracle has occurred: the 3rd Gary Floater tribute album is finished!

Puffy Dan Walters, Brandon Wayne Akins, Flip Dickerson, Heidi Honda and Pappy Paunchworthy all pulled together to record another landmark in music history: The Songs of Gary Floater, Volume 3, WHO CARES.

A very special official worldwide CD release day has been set: April 1. The first of April is a day revered around the world as “April Gary’s Day.” In Spanish speaking cultures, it is referred to “El Dia del Tonto.”

!Viva Gary Floater! !Viva El Tonto!

Yes, it is true that Gary Floater is a songwriterman who has been promiscuous with failure.

But not today. Success tastes sweet, just like an artificial sweetener that tastes good but is chemically unstable and will probably make you sick.

Who Cares? We cares. We cares about we and Gary’s songs.

credits

released April 1, 2014

Tracks sung by BW Akins and Puffy Dan Walters
Produced by Flip Dickerson

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Gary Floater Miami, Missouri

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Track Name: Who Cares
Making my way on the circuit, being a part of the scene
I’m not playing to empty rooms, it’s bartenders and me

Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song

The crowd has left this venue, they can’t find my flow
I was working this bar for free, but they had to let me go

Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song
Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song

With all this premium talent, I can carry this show alone
But they have revoked my license, so I’m gonna need a ride home

Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song
Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song

SOLO

Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song
Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song
(All the girls)
Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song
(All the guys)
Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song
(All the Oak Ridge Boys)
Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song
Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song
Who cares? We cares, we cares about we and our song
Track Name: Let's Get This Over With
My body’s here but my mind’s at home
One more hour ’til I’m spending time alone
I’d like to thank you all for bringing money here
At this time, I wish that I could disappear

I’m phoning it in again, here you go
Why did I agree to do this show?
I don’t know, I guess I’ll have to plead the fifth
Come on guys, let’s get this over with

My beard and shades are like a mobile home
My singing mouth has got to do this job alone
This apathetic band is the best that I could find
I’m on my way to Cracker Barrel in my mind

I’m phoning it in again, here you go
Why did I agree to do this show?
I don’t know, I guess I’ll have to drink a fifth
Come on guys, let’s get this over with

Just a shell of me is left and the smell of doom
The magic me has already left the room
I don’t know, I guess I’ll have to drink a fifth
Come on guys, let’s get this over with
Come on guys, let’s get this over with
Track Name: I'm a Alcoholic
Wine is meant to be spilled
Time is meant to be killed
I'm behind on all my bills
I've got a serious problem

My health has gone to pot
My nerve’s completely shot
This bottle’s all I've got
This is not a joke

I'm a alcoholic
Yeah, no really, alcoholic
Full blown alcoholic
I'm a alcoholic, eve-ry-day

Wine, whiskey, and beer
Can't reduce my fear
Still I hold booze dear
It's a disease, people

They say go on and turn the page
As I throw up on a stage
They say, come on, act your age
But I'm really feeling old right now

I'm a alcoholic
Oh yeah, alcoholic
Country alcoholic
I'm a alcoholic, eve-ry-day


Well now, the free booze in this job
Turns me to a drunken slob
I hold my head and sob
I'm really sad now

In the songs I sing
Problems caused by one thing
I only stop-a my drink-ing
Oh Lord! When I pass out

I'm a alcoholic
Oh baby, alcoholic
Total alcoholic
I'm a alcoholic, eve-ry-day

I'm a alcoholic
I'm singing out for help
I never thought I'd end up like this
Yeah, the party's put me down

I'm a alcoholic
Total alcoholic
Full blown, everyday
I’m a alcoholic eve-ry-day
Track Name: Nature Song
Hear the chipmunk sing
Crickets rub their wings
The cow is moaning low
The river's flowing slow
I was staring at a deer
Does that make me queer
I guess it was a buck
I want it in my truck

Nature turns me on
So I wrote a nature song
I could fall in love with anything right now

Squirrels shake and dance
The robin lost his pants
Every time I mow the grass
Fireflies light their ass
That possum in a tree
You're much too young for me
That fuzzy headed bear
He’s pretending not to stare

Nature turns me on
So I wrote a nature song
I could fall in love with anything right now

See that ol’ raccoon
I invite it to my room
Lizard on the run
We sure had us some fun
Your candy to my eyes
But your parts are not my size
Mammals all around
How I'd love to lay them down

Nature turns me on
So I wrote a nature song
I could fall in love with anything right now

I know the ring neck duck
Is a ruffle-feathered slut
Sleeping in the trees
The turkey is a tease
We both know it's not right
How you stay out all night
Every time I'm in the yard
Nature's looking at me hard

Nature turns me on
So I wrote a nature song
I could fall in love with anything right now
Track Name: Seamus Was a Hero
Two hundred years before I's born
Uncles Seamus caught a unicorn
Too little meat and too much horn
Seamus was a hero

He fashioned him a rope of vine
Spoke every boast that crossed his mind
How many unicorns do you find
Seamus was a hero

He rode him all the way to town
To show the creature he had found
The beast did puff and prance around
Seamus was a hero

The luckiest man ever born
Danced too close to the magic horn
He was impaled upon a unicorn
Seamus was a hero
Seamus was a hero
Track Name: Two Boring Losers in Love
I fell asleep at our wedding, I dozed off making love to you
You bore me to tears, you tell me that I’m boring too
Just everyday losers with nothing else better to do

Two boring people, two boring losers - in love
Two nobodies, no one to take notice of
They fit together like a hand in a big boring glove
They’re just everyday people, two boring losers in love

It’s amazing to see the boring look in your eyes
It’s hard to believe our completely uninteresting lives
Fight, fuck, break up, then make up when somebody cries

Two boring people, two boring losers - in love
Everyday assholes - the only kind I’m singing of
They fit together like a hand in a big boring glove
They’re just everyday people, two boring losers in love
They’re just everyday people, two boring losers in love
Track Name: Thanks Me
I was tucking myself in
At the Holiday Inn
It should have been a good night
The band was sounding tight
I wonder why nobody came
They musta not recognized my name
Up on the marquis sign
They spelled it wrong again this time
Whenever I feel this way
There's only one thing to say

Thanks me, thanks me for the songs
Always sang em right, I never wrote em wrong
Congratulations me, the place should have been packed
I say thank you to me, pat myself on the back
Thanks me

I was eating birthday cake
Off a lonesome paper plate
No postal letter came
Nobody yelled my name
Another feather falls
Another stranger calls
Another year gone by
So many visions in my eye
Whenever I get this way
There's only one thing to say

Thanks me, thanks me for the songs
Always wrote em right, never sang em wrong
Congratulations me, the place should have been packed
I say thank you to me, pat myself on the back

Thanks me, thanks me for the songs
Always sang em right, never wrote em wrong
Congratulations me, the place should have been packed
I say thank you to me, pat myself on the back
Thanks me
Thank you buddy
Thanks you pal
Thanks me
Track Name: Midnight at the Grocery Store
It was midnight at the grocery store
I'd forgotten what I came there for
So I stopped and thumped the produce for awhile
Then all pink and round I saw her there
I did my best, tried not to stare
But I starting closing in to the Frito aisle

Eye shadow blue, red lipstick lips
Right near a wall of flavored chips
Hair rollers rolled my heart around
Her flip flops flipped, my head did spin
She caught my gaze, she smiled and then
I dropped my can of bean dip to the ground

Her makeup made her look surprised
Her eyebrows aimed into my eyes
She had a way of looking right through you
The girl in the pink muu muu

When I came to, she was gone
I was on the floor at the break of dawn
A sad love song on the grocery store PA
Intercom said “clean up aisle four”
I stumbled out the exit door
A big fuchsia sky hung over me that day

Her makeup made her look surprised
Her eyebrows aimed into my eyes
She had a way of looking right through you
The girl in the pink muu muu

So don't waste your chance, I lost my dream
Love comes wrapped in many things
It appears, then disappears too soon
Now every night I walk the aisles
In a bathrobe, slippers with a crazy smile
My love floated in like a rose balloon

Her makeup made her look surprised
Her eyebrows aimed into my eyes
She had a way of looking right through you
The girl in the pink muu muu
The girl in the pink muu muu
The girl in the pink muu muu
Muu muu
Track Name: Hello Diabetes
Hello Diabetes, I knew you'd come to town
I've been waiting for you, wondering when you'd come around
My blood sugar's rising up like the great speckled bird
Such a terrible disease- such a funny word

So hello Diabetes they told me you'd be here
I left the light on for you through all the Ding Dong years
So bring me a shot of insulin, tequila, and some lime
Hello Diabetes, you strange new friend of mine

All things must find a place to live and I guess that you do too
So get in with all the Twinkies, Big Red, and Mountain Dew
So bring me a shot of insulin with that ice cold beer
Hello Diabetes, they told me you'd be here
Solo!

Now I'm pricking my finger, taking all them pills
Hello Diabetes, my new Achille’s heel
Track Name: Selfish Lover
Selfish lover, please don’t leave
Why do you make me wear a frown?
Selfish lover please believe
I never meant to punch the clown

Grab the ice pack off the shelf
Why must you always leave me blue
I’ve taken matters in my own hands
Tell me what else can I do

Selfish lover, please don’t leave
Why do you make me wear a frown?
Selfish lover, please believe
I never meant to punch the clown
Track Name: Showdown at the Country Club
I try to use good manners like mama taught me to
But there's one thing a man just cannot do
So when you asked how's my wife, you know damn well
In polite conversation, there's things we just can't tell

The ice sculpture melts as I sip my wine
You ask how she’s doing, I say she's doing fine
I know that you make love to her and you do it all the time
How can I shake the hand of the one who shit in mine?

At the buffet table, I say, “no, please, after you”
Country club manners, cocktail rendezvous
We talk about the weather, we talk about the news
But I must excuse myself for another glass of booze

The ice sculpture melts as I sip my wine
You ask how she’s doing, I say she's doing fine
I know that you make love to her and you do it all the time
How can I shake the hand of the one who shit in mine?

We talk of sports and golf, til it's time I said adieu
That's my Lincoln Towncar, well I guess you'd like to ride that too
I must say farewell as the valet holds my keys
I let my stink eye linger before I turn to leave

I pull my car into traffic from the valet line
You asked me how she's doing, I said she's doing fine
I know that you make love to her and you do it all the time
How can I shake the hand of the one who shit in mine?
Track Name: Whatever Man
I'm proud of having pride
I stood up to take a stand
They said just sit down
You couldn’t find your ass with both hands
I'm a horse of a different color
In a one horse town
I'm the south end of a dead horse
You're beating on the ground

Pain don't hurt
Tears don't cry
Leaves don't fall
Death don't die
Sad's not blue
Red's not green
Something like that
You know what I mean
Loud as I can
I say, “whatever, man”

You can lead a gift horse to water
But it's either sink or swim
You said from your high horse
I don't want to be your friend
Well, that's the icing on the camel's back
Staring you in the face
The luck stops here I've had enough
Of this rock and hard place

But pain don't hurt
Tears don't cry
Leaves don't fall
Death don't die
Sad's not blue
Red's not green
Something like that
You know what I mean
Loud as I can
I say, “whatever, man”

Take that to the bank and smoke it
Too much sense I does not make
Glue can’t put back together
The kind of song I break
They said, wake up and smell the butter
You’re mumbling again
You were counting your chickens
They crossed the road again

But pain don't hurt
Tears don't cry
Leaves don't fall
Death don't die
Sad's not blue
Red's not green
Something like that
You know what I mean
Loud as I can
I say, “whatever, man”
Track Name: The River Flows
Oh the river flows down to the river
Just like a river should
Standing here by the banks of the river
I can’t help but say, “river, you’re looking good”

And the river flows down to the river
And the river knows where the river goes
I’ll go with you where the river delivers
All the way to the end of the river

Now we’ve come to the bridge
The one over the river to the other side
You and I, we’re crossing that river
All the way - you and I

Oh the river flows down to the river
Just like a river should
Standing here by the banks of the river
I can’t help but say, “river, you’re looking good”

And the river flows down to the river
The river knows where the river goes
I’ll go with you where the river delivers
All the way to the end of the river
The end of the river
To the river
On the river
The river flows
The river flows
The river flows
The river flows