Who Cares

by Gary Floater

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1.
Who Cares 03:03
Making my way on the circuit, being a part of the scene I’m not playing to empty rooms, it’s bartenders and me Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song The crowd has left this venue, they can’t find my flow I was working this bar for free, but they had to let me go Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song With all this premium talent, I can carry this show alone But they have revoked my license, so I’m gonna need a ride home Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song SOLO Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song (All the girls) Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song (All the guys) Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song (All the Oak Ridge Boys) Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song Who cares? Me cares, me cares about me and my song Who cares? We cares, we cares about we and our song
2.
My body’s here but my mind’s at home One more hour ’til I’m spending time alone I’d like to thank you all for bringing money here At this time, I wish that I could disappear I’m phoning it in again, here you go Why did I agree to do this show? I don’t know, I guess I’ll have to plead the fifth Come on guys, let’s get this over with My beard and shades are like a mobile home My singing mouth has got to do this job alone This apathetic band is the best that I could find I’m on my way to Cracker Barrel in my mind I’m phoning it in again, here you go Why did I agree to do this show? I don’t know, I guess I’ll have to drink a fifth Come on guys, let’s get this over with Just a shell of me is left and the smell of doom The magic me has already left the room I don’t know, I guess I’ll have to drink a fifth Come on guys, let’s get this over with Come on guys, let’s get this over with
3.
Wine is meant to be spilled Time is meant to be killed I'm behind on all my bills I've got a serious problem My health has gone to pot My nerve’s completely shot This bottle’s all I've got This is not a joke I'm a alcoholic Yeah, no really, alcoholic Full blown alcoholic I'm a alcoholic, eve-ry-day Wine, whiskey, and beer Can't reduce my fear Still I hold booze dear It's a disease, people They say go on and turn the page As I throw up on a stage They say, come on, act your age But I'm really feeling old right now I'm a alcoholic Oh yeah, alcoholic Country alcoholic I'm a alcoholic, eve-ry-day Well now, the free booze in this job Turns me to a drunken slob I hold my head and sob I'm really sad now In the songs I sing Problems caused by one thing I only stop-a my drink-ing Oh Lord! When I pass out I'm a alcoholic Oh baby, alcoholic Total alcoholic I'm a alcoholic, eve-ry-day I'm a alcoholic I'm singing out for help I never thought I'd end up like this Yeah, the party's put me down I'm a alcoholic Total alcoholic Full blown, everyday I’m a alcoholic eve-ry-day
4.
Nature Song 02:42
Hear the chipmunk sing Crickets rub their wings The cow is moaning low The river's flowing slow I was staring at a deer Does that make me queer I guess it was a buck I want it in my truck Nature turns me on So I wrote a nature song I could fall in love with anything right now Squirrels shake and dance The robin lost his pants Every time I mow the grass Fireflies light their ass That possum in a tree You're much too young for me That fuzzy headed bear He’s pretending not to stare Nature turns me on So I wrote a nature song I could fall in love with anything right now See that ol’ raccoon I invite it to my room Lizard on the run We sure had us some fun Your candy to my eyes But your parts are not my size Mammals all around How I'd love to lay them down Nature turns me on So I wrote a nature song I could fall in love with anything right now I know the ring neck duck Is a ruffle-feathered slut Sleeping in the trees The turkey is a tease We both know it's not right How you stay out all night Every time I'm in the yard Nature's looking at me hard Nature turns me on So I wrote a nature song I could fall in love with anything right now
5.
Two hundred years before I's born Uncles Seamus caught a unicorn Too little meat and too much horn Seamus was a hero He fashioned him a rope of vine Spoke every boast that crossed his mind How many unicorns do you find Seamus was a hero He rode him all the way to town To show the creature he had found The beast did puff and prance around Seamus was a hero The luckiest man ever born Danced too close to the magic horn He was impaled upon a unicorn Seamus was a hero Seamus was a hero
6.
I fell asleep at our wedding, I dozed off making love to you You bore me to tears, you tell me that I’m boring too Just everyday losers with nothing else better to do Two boring people, two boring losers - in love Two nobodies, no one to take notice of They fit together like a hand in a big boring glove They’re just everyday people, two boring losers in love It’s amazing to see the boring look in your eyes It’s hard to believe our completely uninteresting lives Fight, fuck, break up, then make up when somebody cries Two boring people, two boring losers - in love Everyday assholes - the only kind I’m singing of They fit together like a hand in a big boring glove They’re just everyday people, two boring losers in love They’re just everyday people, two boring losers in love
7.
Thanks Me 02:48
I was tucking myself in At the Holiday Inn It should have been a good night The band was sounding tight I wonder why nobody came They musta not recognized my name Up on the marquis sign They spelled it wrong again this time Whenever I feel this way There's only one thing to say Thanks me, thanks me for the songs Always sang em right, I never wrote em wrong Congratulations me, the place should have been packed I say thank you to me, pat myself on the back Thanks me I was eating birthday cake Off a lonesome paper plate No postal letter came Nobody yelled my name Another feather falls Another stranger calls Another year gone by So many visions in my eye Whenever I get this way There's only one thing to say Thanks me, thanks me for the songs Always wrote em right, never sang em wrong Congratulations me, the place should have been packed I say thank you to me, pat myself on the back Thanks me, thanks me for the songs Always sang em right, never wrote em wrong Congratulations me, the place should have been packed I say thank you to me, pat myself on the back Thanks me Thank you buddy Thanks you pal Thanks me
8.
It was midnight at the grocery store I'd forgotten what I came there for So I stopped and thumped the produce for awhile Then all pink and round I saw her there I did my best, tried not to stare But I starting closing in to the Frito aisle Eye shadow blue, red lipstick lips Right near a wall of flavored chips Hair rollers rolled my heart around Her flip flops flipped, my head did spin She caught my gaze, she smiled and then I dropped my can of bean dip to the ground Her makeup made her look surprised Her eyebrows aimed into my eyes She had a way of looking right through you The girl in the pink muu muu When I came to, she was gone I was on the floor at the break of dawn A sad love song on the grocery store PA Intercom said “clean up aisle four” I stumbled out the exit door A big fuchsia sky hung over me that day Her makeup made her look surprised Her eyebrows aimed into my eyes She had a way of looking right through you The girl in the pink muu muu So don't waste your chance, I lost my dream Love comes wrapped in many things It appears, then disappears too soon Now every night I walk the aisles In a bathrobe, slippers with a crazy smile My love floated in like a rose balloon Her makeup made her look surprised Her eyebrows aimed into my eyes She had a way of looking right through you The girl in the pink muu muu The girl in the pink muu muu The girl in the pink muu muu Muu muu
9.
Hello Diabetes, I knew you'd come to town I've been waiting for you, wondering when you'd come around My blood sugar's rising up like the great speckled bird Such a terrible disease- such a funny word So hello Diabetes they told me you'd be here I left the light on for you through all the Ding Dong years So bring me a shot of insulin, tequila, and some lime Hello Diabetes, you strange new friend of mine All things must find a place to live and I guess that you do too So get in with all the Twinkies, Big Red, and Mountain Dew So bring me a shot of insulin with that ice cold beer Hello Diabetes, they told me you'd be here Solo! Now I'm pricking my finger, taking all them pills Hello Diabetes, my new Achille’s heel
10.
Selfish lover, please don’t leave Why do you make me wear a frown? Selfish lover please believe I never meant to punch the clown Grab the ice pack off the shelf Why must you always leave me blue I’ve taken matters in my own hands Tell me what else can I do Selfish lover, please don’t leave Why do you make me wear a frown? Selfish lover, please believe I never meant to punch the clown
11.
I try to use good manners like mama taught me to But there's one thing a man just cannot do So when you asked how's my wife, you know damn well In polite conversation, there's things we just can't tell The ice sculpture melts as I sip my wine You ask how she’s doing, I say she's doing fine I know that you make love to her and you do it all the time How can I shake the hand of the one who shit in mine? At the buffet table, I say, “no, please, after you” Country club manners, cocktail rendezvous We talk about the weather, we talk about the news But I must excuse myself for another glass of booze The ice sculpture melts as I sip my wine You ask how she’s doing, I say she's doing fine I know that you make love to her and you do it all the time How can I shake the hand of the one who shit in mine? We talk of sports and golf, til it's time I said adieu That's my Lincoln Towncar, well I guess you'd like to ride that too I must say farewell as the valet holds my keys I let my stink eye linger before I turn to leave I pull my car into traffic from the valet line You asked me how she's doing, I said she's doing fine I know that you make love to her and you do it all the time How can I shake the hand of the one who shit in mine?
12.
Whatever Man 03:29
I'm proud of having pride I stood up to take a stand They said just sit down You couldn’t find your ass with both hands I'm a horse of a different color In a one horse town I'm the south end of a dead horse You're beating on the ground Pain don't hurt Tears don't cry Leaves don't fall Death don't die Sad's not blue Red's not green Something like that You know what I mean Loud as I can I say, “whatever, man” You can lead a gift horse to water But it's either sink or swim You said from your high horse I don't want to be your friend Well, that's the icing on the camel's back Staring you in the face The luck stops here I've had enough Of this rock and hard place But pain don't hurt Tears don't cry Leaves don't fall Death don't die Sad's not blue Red's not green Something like that You know what I mean Loud as I can I say, “whatever, man” Take that to the bank and smoke it Too much sense I does not make Glue can’t put back together The kind of song I break They said, wake up and smell the butter You’re mumbling again You were counting your chickens They crossed the road again But pain don't hurt Tears don't cry Leaves don't fall Death don't die Sad's not blue Red's not green Something like that You know what I mean Loud as I can I say, “whatever, man”
13.
Oh the river flows down to the river Just like a river should Standing here by the banks of the river I can’t help but say, “river, you’re looking good” And the river flows down to the river And the river knows where the river goes I’ll go with you where the river delivers All the way to the end of the river Now we’ve come to the bridge The one over the river to the other side You and I, we’re crossing that river All the way - you and I Oh the river flows down to the river Just like a river should Standing here by the banks of the river I can’t help but say, “river, you’re looking good” And the river flows down to the river The river knows where the river goes I’ll go with you where the river delivers All the way to the end of the river The end of the river To the river On the river The river flows The river flows The river flows The river flows
14.

about

After ‘A Hero Never Learns’ and ‘Floater Rising,’ tens of fans worldwide are demanded a third installment of the songs of legendary country songwriter Gary Floater.

Gary was recently recognized with the “Worst Country Songwriter Lifetime Achievement Award” but he keeps writing and sending out his songs in the mail because his ankle monitoring device won’t let him leave the house.

But a miracle has occurred: the 3rd Gary Floater tribute album is finished!

Puffy Dan Walters, Brandon Wayne Akins, Flip Dickerson, Heidi Honda and Pappy Paunchworthy all pulled together to record another landmark in music history: The Songs of Gary Floater, Volume 3, WHO CARES.

A very special official worldwide CD release day has been set: April 1. The first of April is a day revered around the world as “April Gary’s Day.” In Spanish speaking cultures, it is referred to “El Dia del Tonto.”

!Viva Gary Floater! !Viva El Tonto!

Yes, it is true that Gary Floater is a songwriterman who has been promiscuous with failure.

But not today. Success tastes sweet, just like an artificial sweetener that tastes good but is chemically unstable and will probably make you sick.

Who Cares? We cares. We cares about we and Gary’s songs.

credits

released April 1, 2014

Tracks sung by BW Akins and Puffy Dan Walters
Produced by Flip Dickerson

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Gary Floater Miami, Missouri

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